Anachronism
by minn's.star
Summary: He would make such a perfect husband, and really he belonged in a nice domestic household with a nice pretty wife to appreciate him but Tino just dosed him up on drugs and pretended that he belonged right where he was.    Cracked!BerwaldxDark!Tino


_You stared into my eyes and I stared into your eyes and I told you that you are beautiful and you told me I am insane. That's not an equal trade though couldn't you have told me something that I didn't know like what kind of insane I am 'cause I told you all about all the kinds of beauty you don't understand you are-_

_But you didn't need to tell me nice things, just tell me things I didn't know so I can hear you talk again._

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><p>His eyes are violet. They're the most beautiful color in the world besides his skin, and his hair, and his lips. Berwald wishes there was a color to describe Tino- it's surely the most beautiful color in the world.<p>

"Yer beautiful, m'wife." He croons, stroking the soft cheek gently. He keeps staring into the pretty violet orbs that stare back at him with some strange mix of regret and anxiety and sorrow and guilt. Does he read that in the beautiful boy's gaze? No. No he does not. He reads perfection and sweetness and the sparkling of the pretty little eyes. He doesn't see the way Tino's smile is wonderfully twisted somehow and the way his stare is condescending as he watches his 'husband'.

"You're insane Berwald." He says, but it's so misleading because his voice is so sugary sweet and surely his sweet little wife wouldn't say such things like that to him. Maybe his brother, but not his darling little Tino.

Berwald continues to stroke the soft cheek, and he starts to speak softly and adoringly and lovingly to his beloved. "Yer so pretty, yer eyes are so sparkly an' yer hair's all shiny an' yer skin's so soft an' nice to touch an' I'm sa' glad yer m'wife-"

"Oh Berwald-" Tino giggles. "You really are insane."

* * *

><p>"Is he awake?" A concerned nurse asks, doling out the pills for the poor and needy patients that he pretends to watch over.<p>

The doctor sighs. "He's having a fit again. I think he's saying something about the wife."

The young man smiles and laughs a little, setting aside an extra dose so that the poor thing won't be able scream his lungs out before lunch time.

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><p><em>I looked at your lips and you looked at my lips and I told you that I want to kiss you and you told me that it was time for bed. That's not an equal trade though couldn't you have told me something that I didn't know like what you want to do to my lips because I told you what I want to do to your lips-<em>

_But you didn't need to want to do nice things, just do things so that I can feel your touch on my lips for once._

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><p>His lips are nice and pink. Nice and pink and plump. Nice and pink and plump and <em>kissable<em>. Berwald is pretty sure that Tino's lips are more kissable than any other lips in the world. He wishes that there was a way for them to kiss.

"Wanna kiss ya'." He mumbles, and he doesn't notice anything else because Tino's smile is too pretty to stare at and he can't look away. His lips look so soft, and he can't help how much he wants to lean in and kiss his pretty little wife.

"Ah, sweetie, it's bed time." Tino coos again, voice still sweet and gaze condescending as ever but for some reason he's leaning in closer and closer to Berwald's face until he can feel soft breath on his own lips and he starts to lean up a little more-

"It's time for bed honey." Tino whispers, and bites Berwald's lip to make a point. Their mouths connect and the thing that might be a half-kiss tastes like copper.

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><p>The nurse is now walking down the sanitary solitary white corridor like he does every single day, carrying the tray of pills with a bright smile on his face. It's nurses like him that make people think that places like this are good and honest and safe- and it's people like him that are the exact reason that places like this are not good, honest or safe.<p>

"Good morning~" He chirps cheerfully to a fellow nurse, who smiles pleasantly and returns the greeting with a smile just as wide as his own- he wouldn't be smiling if he knew what was happening right in front of his pretty little face.

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><p><em>I looked at your body and you looked at my body and I<em>_ told you that I wanted to touch you and you told me that I need help. That's not an equal trade though couldn't you have told me something that I didn't know like what you want to do to my body because I told you what I want to do with your body-_

_But you don't need to do nice things, just do things so that I can touch your body for every time you touch mine._

* * *

><p>His entire body is gorgeous, and Berwald cannot recall one thing he has ever wanted more than the soft skin on the nice curves in front of him. He knows for a fact that this is the most beautiful thing in the entire world.<p>

"I wanna touch you." Berwald breathes shakily, licking his lips because they are cracked and dry and he needs to moisten them so that his wife won't have to kiss dry lips if they end up kissing.

"You need _help_ Berwald." Tino coos almost _lovingly_, hips swaying while he's walking towards the man on the bed and straddling over his thighs. He doesn't even need to reach under the pajamas to know that Berwald is hard but he does need to reach under the pajamas so that he can touch it. It makes the man moan loudly and buck his hips up into Tino's hands, and Tino smiles and starts to rub his hands over the length before he leans over and breathes on the tip.

"You need lots and lots of help-" he gasps, opening his lips and sucking the throbbing organ into his mouth. He bobs his head up and down on it and Berwald is almost crying while he does because his wife is just so good to him and he loves his wife very much because he's beautiful and kissable and does kind things like this-

Tino pops the length out of his mouth and looks up at his nearly sobbing lover. The sight makes him smile while he crawls up his body so that the still needy cock is lined up with his hot, tight hole.

"You need help, Berwald." He coos again, then moans and throws his head back as he sits down on his cock. Once he's fully seated on it he pants and looks back down at Berwald who's a wailing mess of need and adoration and lust, and runs a hand through his hair that's now slick with sweat. He uses the spare hand to place the other's stronger hand on his fragile hip.

"Lots and Lots-" He pants as he bounces on the length, and he can't even finish the rest of that statement anymore.

* * *

><p>The door to his favorite patient's room always opens so easily, and he closes it quietly and with a smile as he looks into the room.<p>

"Honey I'm home~." The nurse calls, and the patient looks up at him with complete adoration and hurries over to him, taking his cheek and stroking it like he always does before he gives him a welcome-home kiss.

"Welcome home m'wife." He says with a voice that's bursting at the seams with obsession and devotion- it makes Tino feel like both a sick fuck and a god as he smiles back- who's he kidding, it makes him feel fucking fantastic.

"Oh husband- you're so silly." He coos. The pills on the tray look almost as sugary sweet as Tino sounds, and he sits on the shitty hospital issued bed that still has cum stains from last night on it and beckons for Berwald to sit next to him.

"Now honey- remember what I told you about disturbing the neighbors. You know what happens whenever you do that." Tino smiles.

"Ya' help me extra." Berwald responds simply, laying his head in Tino's lap and letting the nurse stroke his hair and pick up the first pill.

"You do this on purpose- _oh_ I love you Ber." Tino giggles, and slides the first pill between his husband's lips that will make him lose whatever sense he may have still had so that they can carry on this anachronism in peace.

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><p><em>I told you I loved you too and then I told you I loved our home and you told me yes it was a rather lovely anachronism and for once you told me something that I didn't know.<em>

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><p>Author's Note: Today. Today was bad. I think I bawled my eyes out along with a few other organs. I really needed this.<p>

Anyway, I'm actually quite satisfied with this fic. I might even expand on the idea sometime, but it's only tenative so this one stands as a one-shot. SuFin, obviously, because cracked!Berwald is hot.

I really love reviews, they're like sweets and smiles in the form of a little box of text.


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